I Can Fix It!

All I’m saying is, if something needs stimulating by a huge package, I can do it for free.

#1!

I’m not sure how this happened, but I am the #1 result when you Google creepy old man wink (not in quotes). I have secured my rightful place at the top of the creepy/pervy old man hierarchy. *haaaaaaawink*

*Wink*

I was at a bar with some friends from high school last night, both of them ladies. I took it upon myself to wink at them lecherously at every opportunity, which they (for some reason) did not appreciate. They said it was creepier than normal winking in a way that could not be articulated. “Here,” said Kate (one of my friends), “I’ll take a picture of you winking with my SUPER FANCY CAMERA and you’ll see.”

Aww, look at that. Adorable! I don’t look creepy or lecherous at all; I simply look like I’m cluing you in on a joke or some light-hearted scheme. Kate and Amy agreed. This does not capture the creepy, pervy-old-man quality of my wink. “Try licking your lips suggestively,” Kate commanded.

No, not this either. This just looks like maybe someone punched me in the eye and I have a bit of barbecue sauce in my moustache. No lecherism here.

We were stumped. How could we capture the terror created in the panties of my friends when I wink? “I know!” I proclaimed and produced this, which allowed us to record this:

THERE it is! We watched this video many times and determined there are three factors that make this a CREEPY, LECHEROUS WINK:

1. I am winking
2. I nod my head slightly and when my head is fully down, that is when I wink. The wink is a lecherous punctuation to a creepy nod.
3. After I wink and nod, there is a vague, sheepish smile.

And thus, further evidence that Art is a pervy old man.

HELL YES

OK ladies, stop holding out on me. Guess what the USA Today said about you:

About a third of young adults 20-26 and 20% of teens say they’ve sent or posted naked or semi-naked photos or videos of themselves

Haha! Hell yes you did! noodz  plz!