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I have a plant in my cube at work. I have come to really love this plant. But there has been a bit of a problem: the plant had no name. So, a quest for a name began–with the idea that the piece I took from this plant and put in some water at home to turn into a second plant (hooray thrift!) would be [Plantname, Jr.]. Two people suggested I name the plant after myself: one person suggested “Art, Jr. and Art III,” while the other was making a mean joke and suggested “Stupid.” I also momentarily considered Ralph and Jefferson. None of these seemed right.
But I think I have it now.
The plant at my desk will be known as The 1989 Minnesota Twins.
Which, then, makes the plant at home The 1991 Minnesota Twins.
I’m not sure what kind of plant it is, so don’t ask. I will say it looks like this:
(Note: Yes that is my work’s only copy of the Chicago Manual of Style, and YES it lives at MY DESK BECAUSE I AM THE GREATEST.)
I have had the good fortune to come across some hilarious internets recently. Here are some of the very best ones, in linkdump form:
First up, this had me in tears. For real. Salty water was streaming down my face:
(via)
Next, from marriedtothesea.com:
This as well, from XKCD:
And finally, via some chickface:
Damn you, Microsoft Excel. Your buttons are labeled with things that I love. However, they do not provide me with what they promise:
I have clicked on both of these buttons. Yet, I do not have a delicious slice of pie nor am I getting drunk around a bunch of strangers. WHAT THE HELL.
Brad Neely’s videos are no longer available for uncensored viewing on the internet.
Let me say that again: Brad Neely’s videos are no longer available for uncensored viewing on the internet.
Censored. On the internet.
That means such classic Brad Neely lines as “No one can fuck my strange guests,” and “10s and 20s, what’s so funny, fuckin’ 20 10” are rendered pointless and boring. And then there are made up words that have roots in swears that are fucking poetry (or, if not poetry, then otherwise genius) that get bleeped. For example, from Babycakes Diary #3: “Sometimes, if I’m fast enough, I catch a glimpse of the Brain Fuckler, just fucklin’ the shit out of everyone.”
Luckily, I was able to download (legally, for free) the audio to the best song of them all before all of this happened. You may care to take a listen to Be Aggressive by Brad Neely. (For now you may also be interested in watching an unauthorized distribution from you tube dot com. But shh! Keep it under your hat! )
All the Brad Neely videos adopted from Super Deluxe are edited–not just bleeped, but images are cut out, too. I thought the title “adult” swim suggested that we could handle this stuff, as well as the huge TV-MA plastered on each video. Really lame.
I can’t verify the claim that images have been cut out. I’ve watched The Role Play Tournament and Bible History, which have, respectively, the most violent and vulgar images of the Neely Collection. I’m not saying this didn’t happen, just that I can’t verify it. I will say that it would not surprise me in the least.
But, as with all things in the universe except household cleanliness, this is not happening in a vacuum. Brad Neely’s blog says this:
Neely can do nothing about it. SuperDeluxe is gone. We are lucky to have our pieces posted on Adult Swim.
The post after that (which is the most recent post, dated December 21, 2008), says these videos will be returning to the internet in their uncensored form “very soon.” I eagerly await that day.
Which brings me to my point: I am not saying this signals some great defeat of Western ideals. This is a mild affront to Internet Common Sense, but this is also very likely just some oblivious online programing executive who was given authority over a medium his 80-year-old ass is totally clueless about (TED STEVENS). I am merely lamenting the (momentary) stifling of a very specific artist whose work I genuinely admire. Alas.
Post script: I will admit this is not exactly breaking news. SuperDeluxe.com was taken over by Adult Swim on December 17, 2008 (via). Forgive me if I’m still not indifferent. But seriously. Censorship. On the internet. I just had to register my frustration indignation slack-jawed bewilderment.
In the Star Trek universe, as my friend Adam pointed out (12 years after the fact), the Borg identify themselves in two different ways.
Hugh, before he becomes an Individual, identifies himself as Third of Five. Then, some years later, Voyager adopts Seven of Nine.
We assume Microsoft must have done a software upgrade for the Borg in the intervening time, which would explain the arbitrary, meaningless change.
All I’m saying is, if something needs stimulating by a huge package, I can do it for free.
Inquiring minds want to know! Who would win in an ALL OUT BATTLE BETWEEN…
SNAKE
and
SPIDER
Due to a shipping error, thousands of hippos are required to take the Doctorcratic oath.
Love is when you feed your cat enough days in a row that she sleeps right next to you for the entirety of your four-hour nap.
Hey, look. It's Art. 