I was at a bar with some friends from high school last night, both of them ladies. I took it upon myself to wink at them lecherously at every opportunity, which they (for some reason) did not appreciate. They said it was creepier than normal winking in a way that could not be articulated. “Here,” said Kate (one of my friends), “I’ll take a picture of you winking with my SUPER FANCY CAMERA and you’ll see.”
Aww, look at that. Adorable! I don’t look creepy or lecherous at all; I simply look like I’m cluing you in on a joke or some light-hearted scheme. Kate and Amy agreed. This does not capture the creepy, pervy-old-man quality of my wink. “Try licking your lips suggestively,” Kate commanded.
No, not this either. This just looks like maybe someone punched me in the eye and I have a bit of barbecue sauce in my moustache. No lecherism here.
We were stumped. How could we capture the terror created in the panties of my friends when I wink? “I know!” I proclaimed and produced this, which allowed us to record this:
THERE it is! We watched this video many times and determined there are three factors that make this a CREEPY, LECHEROUS WINK:
- I am winking
- I nod my head slightly and when my head is fully down, that is when I wink. The wink is a lecherous punctuation to a creepy nod.
- After I wink and nod, there is a vague, sheepish smile.
And thus, further evidence that Art is a pervy old man.
Tags: wink
Hey, look. It's Art. 
January 8, 2009 at 12:14 am
Now, I really don’t want to sound mean or you know, … however I sound when I am about to point of a possible sensitive issue. BUT, after reading and reviewing the photo and film evidence, I have come to the conclusion that most of the creepy and pervy-ness that you exude comes from your receding hairline. And, your large eyebrows. of course, they are nowhere near Peter Gallagher eyebrows, but a formidable pair, nonetheless.
On a side note, that was one of the best nights I have had in a long time. It was good to be around my own kind. Don’t let that get out, I have a reputation to protect. haha.
January 8, 2009 at 8:23 am
I was thoroughly amused by all of that. It took me watching the video twice to fully capture what is in fact a very creepy look.
Way to creep me out Art 🙂
January 8, 2009 at 10:43 am
A lot of wink creepiness comes from the context of the wink and who it’s directed toward, so I’m sure that was also impossible to catch on camera.
Also, I really enjoyed the comment referred to your eyebrows as a “formidable pair.”
January 8, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Kate:
That is interesting. I don’t know that my eyebrows are necessarily thicker than most, but they are certainly much darker. I will have to ruminate on your points and I think I will write another blog post about it. I already have two stubs of draft posts about both my hair and my beard that I think I could wrap into one hair-related post.
January 9, 2009 at 9:56 am
that wink has a rather popeye-esque quality about it to me.
January 13, 2009 at 10:29 pm
[…] I have a great creepy wink […]